SHIT HAPPENS in various world religions.


TAOISM: - Shit happens.

CONFUCIANISM: - Confucius say, "Shit happens".

ZEN: - (What is the sound of shit happening?)

JESUITISM: - If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?

ISLAM: - Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.

COMMUNISM: - Equal shit happens to all people.

CATHOLICISM: - Shit happens because you are bad.

PSYCHOANALYSIS: - Shit happens because of your toilet training.

SCIENTOLOGY: - Shit happens if you're on our shit list.

ZOROASTRIANISM: - Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.

UNITARIANISM: - Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.

RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: - Let this shit happen to someone else.

JUDAISM: - Why does shit always happen to US?

REFORM JUDAISM: - Got any Kaopectate?

MYSTICISM: - What weird shit!

AGNOSTICISM: - What is this shit?

ATHEISM: - I don't believe this shit!

NIHILISM: - Who needs this shit?

AZTEC: - Cut out this shit!

QUAKER: - Let's not fight over this shit.

FORTEANISM: - No shit?

12-STEP: - I am powerless to cut the shit.

VOODOO: - Hey, that shit looks just like you!

NEWAGE: - Visualize shit not happening.

DEISM: - Shit just happens.

EXISTENTIALISM: - Shit doesn't happen; shit is.

SECULAR HUMANISM: - Shit evolves.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: - Shit is in your mind.

BUDDHISM: - Shit happens, but pay no mind.

SHINTOISM: - Shit is everywhere.

HINDUISM: - This shit has happened before.

WICCA: - Mix this shit together and make it happen!

HASIDISM: - Shit never happens the same way twice.

THEOSOPHY: - You don't know half of the shit that happens.

DIANETICS: - Your mother gave you shit before your were born.

SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: - No shit on Saturdays.

JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: - No shit happens until Armageddon.

MOONIES: - Only happy shit really happens.

HOPI: - Corn fertilizer happens.

BAHA'I: - It's all the same shit.

STOICISM: - This shit is good for me.

OBJECTIVISM: - Our shit is good for you.

EST: - If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.

REAGANISM: - Don't move; the shit will trickle down.

FASCISM: - Shit makes the trains run on time.

CARGO CULT: - A barge will come and take all the shit away.

EMACS: - Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.

DISCORDIANISM: - Some funny shit happened to me today.

RASTAFARIANISM: - Let's smoke this shit.

CHARISMATIC: - This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.

MASONIC: - Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.

RED CROSS: - Shit happens. Send money.